Shortage of Mascot - funny.

This article really made me laugh, especially the part about how surprised officials were with the popularity of the Sumi mascot. Most host Olympic cities seem to have one mascot, but Vancouver 2010 has three. I guess they figure they can make triple the $$ by producing 3 different ones. Or if you don't want to fork over the $90 to get all three, maybe at least one of them will be "cute enough" for you to purchase.

At the time of their release last month, my first impression was, they looked like Pokemon, a big brown ugly square paper bag, and the third one, Sumi (pronounced Sue Me - as in what happens if you even think of the Olympic symbol without paying royalties to VANOC) which I thought was slightly better than the other two. Although, after seeing previous Olympic mascots, I think these could be much much worse. Type in "olympic mascots" in Google and click on images to know see for yourself.

Okay, now to the funny part. They tested public reaction by showing these to grade school children in order to classify the marketability. I understand that children do have a lot of sway on what their parents buy, but last time I checked a second grader doesn't have the final say. Especially if your buying a souvenir for a friend or a Christmas present for a child. Now they are shocked that they are out of the Sumi because they assumed he wouldn't sell like the other two simply because some elementary kids told them so. I know if I were to buy a souvenir for someone it wouldn't be some $45 sasquatch in the shape of paper bag - it would be Sumi.

Which Olympic mascot do you like the best? You can see them at this site.

What the World Eats...

Germany : The Melander family of Bargteheide

Food expenditure for one week: 375.39 Euros or $500.07
Favourite foods: fried potatoes with onions, bacon and herring, fried noodles with eggs and cheese, pizza, vanilla pudding

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United States: The Revis family of North Carolina

Food expenditure for one week : $341.98
Favourite foods : spaghetti, potatoes, sesame chicken

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Japan: The Ukita family of Kodaira City

Food expenditure for one week: 37,699 Yen or $317.25
Favourite foods : sashimi, fruit, cake, potato chips

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Italy: The Manzo family of Sicily

Food expenditure for one week: 214.36 Euros or $260.11
Favourite foods: fish, pasta with ragu, hot dogs, frozen fish sticks

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Great Britain: The Bainton family of Cllingbourne Ducis

Food expenditure for one week : 155.54 British Pounds or $253.15
Favourite foods: avocado, mayonnaise sandwich, prawn cocktail, chocolate fudge cake with cream

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Kuwait : The Al Haggan family of Kuwait City

Food expenditure for one week : 63.63 dinar or $221.45
Family recipe: Chicken biryani with basmati rice

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Mexico: The Casales family of Cuernavaca

Food expenditure for one week: 1,862.78 Mexican Pesos or $189.09
Favourite foods: pizza, crab, pasta, chicken

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China : The Dong family of Beijing

Food expenditure for one week: 1,233.76 Yuan or $155.06
Favourite foods: fried shredded pork with sweet and sour sauce

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Poland : The Sobczynscy family of Konstancin-Jeziorna

Food expenditure for one week: 582.48 Zlotys or $151.27
Family recipe: Pig's knuckles with carrots, celery and parsnips

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United States : The Caven family of California

Food expenditure for one week : $159.18
Favourite foods: beef stew, berry yogurt sundae, clam chowder, ice cream

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Egypt : The Ahmed family of Cairo

Food expenditure for one week : 387.85 Egyptian Pounds or $68.53
Family recipe: Okra and mutton

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Mongolia: The Batsuuri family of Ulaanbaatar

Food expenditure for one week: 41,985.85 togrogs or $40.02
Family recipe: Mutton dumplings

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Ecuador : The Ayme family of Tingo

Food expenditure for one week : $31.55
Family recipe: Potato soup with cabbage

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Bhutan: The Namgay family of Shingkhey Village

Food expenditure for one week: 224.93 ngultrum or $5.03
Family recipe: Mushroom, cheese and pork

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Chad : The Aboubakar family of Breidjing Camp

Food expenditure for one week : 685 CFA Francs or $1.23
Favourite foods: Anything edible!!

Tech Support

Dear Tech Support

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected.

I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.
____________ _________ _________ ________

REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

My Experience with the No CENSus

Have you ever noticed how little the census makes sense?

Statscan released more of the population results from the 2006 sensus this month. I know several people who have worked enumerators in rural areas of BC. They have to travel four hours down a 4x4 gravel road to count one aging hippy.

Enumerators are told by StatsCan to report anyone that won't fill out the form because it is a federal offense to avoid the Census.

When the enumerators find someone way back in the mountians, and the person says he has been living back there for 40 years and he doesn't want to be counted, they are supposed to report this offense. The enumerators I have talked to say they don't bother reporting the one or two people that say they don't want "Big Brother" intruding on them.

Contrast that with my personal experience living in Vancouver. When I heard on the news last summer that all census forms must be submitted the next day. I didn't even know the census was happening because I didn't get an enumerator come to my door. In the big cities they just mail out the forms. My curiosity got the better of me, and I phoned statscan to tell them I wasn't counted. After giving them my address, they tell me I was counted.

So, I told them that WE live in the basement, and the statcan lady on the phone gives me a user name and password so I can fill out the form online. I inquired again just to make sure it would be the right form by letting her know there was more than one of us living in the basement suite.

After being reassured that this form will cover everyone in the house, I get on the computer and enter in the info. All it asks for is my name and Social Insurance Number, then thanks me for my time - game over. There was nowhere to enter in the number of people living in the basement. I got the sense they didn't really care if I was counted or if the info was correct. They didn't seem to care they missed 4 other people living with me. hmmm.

No wonder BC had the lowest Census return rate in the country!

The Best Place to Live

I have been working in Alberta, where there is an attitude that prevails along the lines of Central Canada screwing the West. I am really not sure how much we are really being screwed, but my attention as brought to the "Best City in the Country" study where one could make a point along these lines.

MoneySense Magazine has an interesting feature ranking Canadian cities. The complete details and methodology are posted under the features section at moneysense.ca. The list is thorough, with all cities in Canada of at least 10,000 people are used. All 123 of them.

The top 10 based on Economic, Real Estate, Weather, Amenities, and Attractions factors are:
1 Ottawa - Gatineau ON
2 Halifax NS
3 Québec QC
4 Guelph ON
5 Fredericton NB
6 Kingston ON
7 Moncton NB
8 London ON
9 Victoria BC
10 Gander NL


Although the results are highly subjective, I can see what they are getting at. Notice only one city west of Ontario makes the top 10.

The most important factor was the weather, which you would think would put Victoria on top along with several other BC cities. I could see weather being a significant factor in quality of life, but I suspect the people putting the ranking together are living in Ottawa because they conclude that ideally, a city should have "900 ml of precipitation per year" (Ottawa gets about 900mm per year). Also, when did they start measuring precipitation in ml? Isn't that a volume measurement? I will assume they mean mm.

So, if you live in a city like say Kamloops, do you say to yourself, "man, do I wish I lived in a city with triple the precip!"

The 10 driest cities in Canada are:
mm/year
Whitehorse YK 267.4
Kamloops BC 279.0
Yellowknife NT 280.2
Penticton BC 332.7
Medicine Hat AB 333.8
Swift Current SK 349.1
Saskatoon SK 350.0
Moose Jaw SK 365.1
North BattlefordSK 373.2
Kelowna BC 380.5

What they are telling us is that living in these dry places is like living in Prince Rupert which gets over 2500 mm/year.

Days over 30 degrees Celsius is also bad in this study.

Days over 30C/year
Kamloops BC 29.3
Penticton BC 25.9
Kelowna BC 25.0
Medicine Hat AB 23.6
Windsor ON 20.7
Moose Jaw SK 20.2
Estevan SK 19.5
Vernon BC 17.6
Chatham-Kent ON 16.2
Lethbridge AB 15.8

Notice, they did not include humidity in this study. If they would have Ottawa has 45 days per year that feel like 30 degrees or more, and Windsor 67. The Western cities listed above only go up by a few days because they are not humid cities. These hot Western Canadian cities cool down a lot more at night than even Ottawa. So if you like sleeping at night when it is cool, and chilling on the beach in the day when it is hot - your weird. There were some BC cities that don't ever hit 30 degrees (like Prince Rupert), so they even fudged the numbers to say they get 9.5 days per year of 30 degrees. I know this sounds far fetched, but it is the truth. you can look up the true number of 30 degree days in Prince Rupert at Environment Canada - where they say they got their info from!.

The second most important category was housing at 15 points. This really hits hard any BC cities with good weather.

The most expensive housing markets in Canada are:
City Prov Avg House
Kelowna BC 528,260
Vancouver BC 519,421
Victoria BC 509,240
Abbotsford BC 501,865
Squamish BC 428,517
Wood Buffalo AB 396,447 (AKA Fort MacMurray)
Nanaimo BC 373,342
Duncan BC 369,056
Calgary AB 361,611
Penticton BC 346,392

Air pollution was also ignored in this study which would have set most Ontario cities to the bottom of this category.

Points were given for attractions which favored larger cities (found more frequently in Central Canada). Cities like Kamloops or Kelowna only got 2 out of 4 for attractions because they are not capital cities and they have no professional sports teams. Ottawa of course gets 4 in this one. Vancouver also only gets 2 out of 4 because it apparently doesn't have a casino. They are considering the greater Vancouver area, so its hard to understand where they get that info from.

One could argue that there are so many cities in Ontario that of course they would have several on the top of the list. But then there should be several at the bottom too. Here are the 10 worst cities in Canada in which to live:

Port Alberni BC (worst)
Campbell River BC
Quesnel BC
Duncan BC
Williams Lake BC
Lachute QC
Cape Breton NS
Abbotsford BC
Val-D'Or QC
Powell River BC (10th worst)

What do you think?

Why Drinking From the School Toilet is a Perfectly Legitmate Thing to Do.

Click here.
I rest my case.

How you can limit your pesticide intake

Its not always economical or possible to buy organic or pesticide-free produce, so it is good to know which fruits and vegetables have the most or least pesticides present.




After food has been prepared for eating (bananas peeled for example) pesticide residue was measured. The methodology is found HERE.

The DIRTY DOZEN:
These 12 popular fresh fruits and vegetables are consistently the most contaminated with pesticides - think about buying these organic.


• Apples
• Bell Peppers
• Celery
• Cherries
• Grapes (imported from outside USA)
• Nectarines
• Peaches
• Pears
• Potatoes
• Red Raspberries
• Spinach
• Strawberries

THE 12 BEST:
These 12 popular fresh fruits and vegetables consistently have the lowest levels of pesticides.

• Asparagus
• Avocados
• Bananas
• Broccoli
• Cauliflower
• Corn (sweet)
• Kiwi
• Mangoes
• Onions
• Papaya
• Pineapples
• Peas (sweet)

Gas

I have been thinking about gas lately.

There has been a lot of complaining about the high prices lately along with calls for oil companies heads, accusations of price gouging, and ways consumers can fight back against big oil, so just thought I should add my voice too.

First of all, they tell us that the environmentally sustainable amount of gasoline divied evenly around the world equates to 5 litres for all of British Columbia in a given year. That means each of the 4 million residents gets 0.00000125 litres to burn per year. Considering it takes more greenhouse gas to produce a car than the car will emit in its life time, maybe the price of gas is not that big of an issue?

But I digress. Most of the forwarded emails we get as ways to fight back really make me laugh. Here are a few of them:

1) Here is one that you may have seen on myspace:


DO NOT PUMP GAS ON MAY 15TH...

On May 15th all myspace members are to not go to the gas station in protest high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places. There are 72,110,073 members currently on the network, and the average car takes about 20 to 30 dollars to fill up. If all myspace members did not go to the pump on the 15th it would take $2,163,302,190.00 out of the oil company's pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the oil industry for at least one day.

If you agree (which I cant see why you wouldn't) repost this bulletin repost it with "Don't pump gas on May 15th, 2007"

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Actually, I don't see why you would repost this bulletin. Even if everyone did this, this email Doesn't mention anything about not using LESS gas! lol. It just offsets the purchase of the fuel.

I am going to do 1 of 2 things on May 15th.
a) Not buy any gas. This is the most probable since I don't drive much anymore, so I usually wait until we leave Vancouver where it is not $1.30/litre.
b) Buy gas. On second thought I think everyone should refrain from purchasing gas on May 15th so there will be no line-ups for me. Ya. Think about how much fuel will be saved when no one has to idle their engines waiting for an available pump.

2) This one is my favorite:
It goes something like don't buy gas from the two largest gas companies. If they are not selling any gas they will reduce their price, and the other stations will follow suit.

---

Ya, this is really quite humorous. What would happen is the other stations would raise their prices because the demand has gone up with fewer stations selling the same amount of fuel. These stations would buy from the companies not selling at their stations (at a higher price too).

Maybe this is why there is less competition in the market now. Just Joking.

3) Another funny I received in my email before.

In case you do not know, there was an incident where a driver suffered burns and his car severely damaged when gasoline vapors ignited an explosion while he was talking on his mobile phone standing near the attendant who was pumping the gas. All the electronic devices in gas stations are protected with explosive containment devices, (intrinsically safe) while cell phones are not. READ YOUR HANDBOOK!

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In other words cell phones can cause gas stations to explode. Cell phones run at a much lower voltage than say your car battery, so nothing to worry about here.

Okay, so the common theme with 1) and 2) above and many other emails going around like those is you can used as much gas as ever and still punish the oil companies. In other words, you can have your cake and eat it too. If your intent on spending less on gas - drive less.

What do you think?

Hockey

Round 2 starts tonight. It is really too bad this week is "turn you TV off week," although I think will be able to study tonight while I listen on the radio.

I did well on my predictions in the first round as all the series went as expected. The only one I got wrong was the Anaheim/Minnesota series. Hindsight sure makes me look dumb on that one -what was I thinking? I cannot remember. I predicted Vancouver in 7, Detroit in 6, and New Jersey in 6, but was off by one game on the Rangers, Ottawa, and San Jose series.



I have no idea who is going to win in the next round as all the teams are almost equal in my mind (with the exception of Vancouver Anaheim), but with Luongo you never know what can happen.

so here are my predictions:
Anaheim over Vancouver in 5 games.
San jose over Detroit in 7.
New York over Buffalo in 7.
Ottawa over New Jersey in 6.

IQ Test

Have you tried this IQ Test? This a Canadian version of "Test the Nation" done in several other countries.

I find the results quite interesting. For example, I got the same amount of questions right as one of my classmates, but my IQ was HIGHER! The reason is because people in my age group (25 to 34) we have lost IQ compared to his age group (16 to 24). Crazy, I am still in my 20s and I my brain is already turning to mush. IQ tests only measure verbal and visualization skills, reasoning, memory, logic, and mental arithmetic. They don’t measure other qualities like character, personality, or talent, so maybe a person's EQ (Emotional Intelligence) gets better with age.

By looking at the chart below, it can be comforting to know the Surgeons finish at the top. I am a little disappointed in our gods, err I mean celebrities, showing.

Team Average IQ
Surgeons 119
Millionaires 118
Fitness Instructors 112
Mayors 110
Radio DJs 108
Tattoo Artists 101
Celebrities 98

looking at the results on the website the smart person stereotype is a red haired, right handed Male from the NWT who likes wine and curling and is a night owl.

Some Home remedies ...

>> from my email bag.

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply peeing in the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you'll be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you'll forget about the tooth ache.

Sometimes we Just Need to Remember What The Rules of Life Really Are... You need only two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.

The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "You are right."

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to potty.

If You Woke up Breathing, Congratulations! You have another chance!

And Finally... Be Really Good To Your Family and Friends. You never know when you're going to need them to empty your bedpan!

Lana Has Kicked the Bucket

Just to let you know, after almost 7 years of marriage, Lana has finally kicked the bucket. Now i will have to start shopping for a replacement....




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As you can see, our35 pounds of honey we received as a wedding gift is finally gone. It was good while it lasted, so good that we may need to get some more. Maybe we will have to swing by Lillooet someday and pick up some more of this "Cariboo Honey".

Now for some humor:

The cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The cowboy groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager. The cowboy just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle. In a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's you're name?"

"Sam," the cowboy moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied.... "The balcony."

Quote of the day

"Parents used to have a lot of kids, but now kids have a lot of parents." - Making Children Mind by Dr. Keven Leman.

So true! For example I had 2 sets of grandparents, while my children have 4 sets of grandparents. I think it is a bit confusing for the little guys. With our 3 kids, we are overachievers, but a generation ago we would have been underachievers in that department. If we want to spend Christmas with our kids grandparents, it takes us four years to have Christmas with all of the grandparents.

Oh, but our children like getting double the Christmas presents we would have gotten from our Grandparents.

PS. pictures are not really related to topic (they are from Christmas time this year though)

OFFICE LINGO

As technology marches ever onwards and we are assailed with more and more jargon, here is a handy cut-out-and-keep quick reference guide to office lingo.

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands

Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.

Ego Surfing: Scanning the net, databases, print media etc looking for references to one's own name.

Elvis Year: The peak year of something's popularity - Barney the dinosaur's Elvis Year was 1993.

404: Someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404: Not Found" meaning the requested document couldn't be located. Example: "Don't bother asking him, he's 404."

Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.

Mouse Potato: The on-line generation's answer to the couch potato.

Ohnosecond: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise you've just made a big mistake.

Prairie Dogging: Something loud happens in a Cube Farm and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

SITCOM: Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.

Stress Puppy: A person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny.

Tourists: Those who take training courses as a vacation from their jobs. Example: "we had three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists."

Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired.

Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from a workplace.

kids in school think quick

kids in school think quick

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS : Maria!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D- A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO : Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __
TEACHER : Clyde , your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.